We’ve all heard it before: Western guys get with Chinese girls and not the other way around. Sure, those couples are compatible in their own right, but in a world where stereotypes abound, few foreign women care to date Chinese men and even fewer Chinese guys dare to approach them.
This article isn’t intended to generalize the multiracial dating scene (personality plays a decisive role in any relationship), but it will sum up my experience as an American girl who recently married a stage actor from Jiangxi province.
So behold… the little known truth of what it’s like to date a Chinese man as a Westerner:
1) You’ll be his princess/goddess/fantasy.
I’m not referring to a quasi-trophy wife here – it’s more like you’ll always be a fantastic dream in his eyes. Rarity is precious by default, so the fact that he, a Chinese man, is with you, a foreign female, will bring him elation, confidence and significant street credit daily.
It sounds superficial – and admittedly an element of it is – but your love will run deeper than that. It does feel pretty amazing to see him grin uncontrollably when introducing you to family and friends. Their respective expressions of awe and admiration will put you somewhere near cloud nine.
2) Your parents will LOVE him.
Chinese men, especially the more traditional ones, have been raised to value filial piety, or treating elders with respect and appreciation. Although you should be prepared for your man to spend significant time with his parents (aka your in-laws) it also works the other way – he’ll shower your parents (and siblings!) with gifts, put them up in a 5-star hotel when they visit and be attentive to their needs.
3) You’ll control the cash.
This tradition varies by province, but many Chinese men grow up in households where their mother controls all of the finances. If you’re lucky enough to marry this kind of guy, don’t be surprised if he hands you his hard-earned income every month and trusts you with investing and spending it on the family’s behalf.
4) He’ll stay by your side through chick flicks and shopping sprees.
A few months ago, the popular web series Mamahuhu posted a video showing the differences between Chinese and Western couples. In one scene, a Chinese girl asks her boyfriend how a shirt looks on her while shopping. He smiles, visibly bored to death, but gives his genuine opinion. In the case of the Western couple, the girl turns around to discover that her man has vanished. (The audience later sees him home playing video games.) Moral of the story? If you want your Chinese boo to accompany you in any mind-numbingly girly activity, he will.
5) He’ll cook for you.
Let’s face it, we all love homemade Chinese food – that used to be one of the perks of marrying a Chinese woman. But as more and more modern girls fail to carry on the culinary expertise of their parents, Chinese men are stepping up to the plate. My husband’s mother taught him how to cook at age 10, muttering that his future wife “probably won’t know how to wrap baozi or fry spicy tofu.” That turned out to be true… but my handsome chef has been kind enough to instruct me in the art.
6) He’ll protect your overall well-being – not just your heart.
In Chinese culture, taking care of one’s family is the primary manifestation of love. Your man won’t merely try to make you happy in the short term, but will strive to guard your “life” – including your happiness, health, career, safety, family, etc. This will motivate him to go above and beyond an occasional romantic date or sentimental conversation. He’ll be with you at every turn, entertaining your selfish demands and listening to your farfetched aspirations or trivial dilemmas. I’ve grown accustomed to spontaneous career pep talks, bowls of homemade congee when I’m sick and rides to and from work. These efforts aren’t made selfishly so that I’ll love him more. No, a Chinese guy simply hopes you’ll have the greatest life experience imaginable.
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