Finally a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Now is the time to broaden your professional horizons and break out of the Beijing expat bubble. Try something new and exciting that no one you know has done before, like teaching English at a kindergarten.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Make the trek to meditate on the Mutianyu Great Wall summit alone at sunrise. It will bring some peace and quiet back into your hectic routine. Wear sunscreen in case you fall asleep.
Leo
7.23-8.23
You’ll be feeling low this month. Treat yourself to a truly astronomical pair of sunglasses at the glasses market near Panjiayuan, masquerade as a Western movie star and reject all photo requests. You’ll be back to yourself in no time!
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Freeeeeedom! Something has been holding you back, but now you’re being set loose on Beijing. Get yourself to new bar Chocolate & Milk in a group of six and order in twos. This is important.
Libra
9.24-10.23
You will learn something this month that will change your perspective on life for the better. It’s everything you’ve been waiting for. You will learn it from the eighteenth stranger you make eye contact with on the subway for this purpose.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
Beijing is getting HOT and Scorpios are likely to suffer. Wipe that sweat from your upper lip, drag yourself to brandnew froyo place Joghurtwerk and seriously try to chill out.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
The position of the sun in relation to Mercury most clearly dictates that if you so much as dip a toe inside the back seat of a Didi this month, seven years of lost WeChat group chats will follow.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
Everything’s coming up Capricorn! Locals will finally laugh at your hilarious ‘ting bu dong’ jokes and you’ll learn the Chinese word for pizza. Big steps, goat.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
You may have to get out of a sticky situation at the office this month, but you’ve already used up your vacation days thanks to that extended May Day trip. Try clutching at your heart and sinking to the ground dramatically. It may sound strange but trust us, it will work.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
When you drop your phone in hot pot and you don’t know what to do, use magazine pages to dry it out and shake your fist at meddling Neptune.
Aries
3.21-4.20
This is the most productive month you will have all year. Make the most of it by spending every RMB you have on that pair of absolutely, definitely, obviously real Balenciaga sneakers from the Pearl Market.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
It is absolutely vital that you learn everything there is to know about Beijing’s great spotted woodpecker. You will meet the human of your dreams and they will be uncommonly interested in this line of conversation.
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