Finally a horoscope that understands your life in Beijing.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
You’re itching to travel but this is not your month. Instead, opt for a staycation in Guomao. Pretend you’re new to Beijing: Marvel at the CCTV HQ and when you spot your colleague at the hotel bar, ignore them.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Home takes focus with renovations and redecorating lighting up your stars. Trawl your ‘buy & sell’ WeChat groups for a good deal on sofa beds, but always inspect before you buy. Employ a feng shui master for good measure.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
With Saturn opposing your sign, things will get a little testy this month. Depending on your hobbies this may mean a doctor’s visit, Paddy’s pub quiz or HSK exam. Down a shot of baijiu every morning for good luck.
Leo
7.23-8.23
Your favorite time of the year is fast approaching: ‘Beijing bikini’ season. Prepare by eating copious amounts of jianbing and scaling back your workouts to zero. No pain, no gain. And don't forget to wear sunscreen.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Your new ‘consultancy’ job turns out to mean American college admissions advisor and you’re not even from the US. Oh well, at least your office is in Wangjing, the hippest suburb in town. Stop referring to it as ‘K-town,’ though.
Libra
9.24-10.23
While your fairness is admirable, it’s time to get off the fence when your landlord proposes a rent hike because of last year’s ‘Beijing chai,’ which in no way affected your DRC compound. Instead, respond with: ‘Cry me a Liangmahe!’
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
Your glass is half-full this month – literally, the water in your hutong will break down at the crappiest moment, like when you get a bad bout of food poisoning from eating the street food outside.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Congratulations on staying in Beijing for this long. Celebrate by getting the hell outta this smog city. Try Hainan – there are coconuts for days and it’s easy for your foreign friends to join you, as it’s visa-free now.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
Live a little. Like, try Mobiking a different route to work or order something new on Sherpas (do you really need another Annie's bowl?). If you really want to be adventurous, try cooking – money is tight this month.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
You have three planets in your sign this month, meaning that you must do everything in threes at all times. Drink three Yanjing, eat three bowls of zhajiangmian, date in threes and... you get the idea ;)
Pisces
2.20-3.20
You’re in an even dreamier mood than usual this month so be on high alert when wandering though your hutong or China World Mall, lest you end up in the wrong courtyard or store entirely. Eat zhou everyday for good luck.
Aries
3.21-4.20
It’s time for your visa run but you’re “over” going to Hong Kong. Try going somewhere closer to home like Russia or Mongolia. Though electrical glitches are rife this month, so make sure you book the correct date. Pack red underwear only.
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