Epimedium Grandiflorum, 'Horny Goat Weed', Yin Yang Huo, (淫羊藿)
Origin: South China, plus parts of Europe and central Asia.
Dosage: Although available in pill form, it’s recommended (for the sake of purity) that it is boiled and taken as tea.
Purported effects: Unlike most drugs listed here, there is little avoiding what Horny Goat Weed does, thanks to its name (other names for it include rowdy lamb herb and randy beef grass). While present in several cultures, the plant’s benefits were first noted by an observant Chinese goatherder, who used to watch his flock getting particularly busy after chewing the stuff. Sadly, the weed’s population has been badly affected by excessive cultivation of wild species for use in TCM. Still, studies have shown this time-tested herb works in several ways to improve sexual wellness. It works as an adaptogen by increasing levels of epinephrine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine when they are low, and reducing cortisol levels when they are elevated. Secondly, the weed acts to restore both low testosterone levels and the thyroid hormone to normal, improving sex drive.
Horny goat weed contains a variety of flavonoids, specifically icariin, which is a cGMP-specific PDE5 inhibitor – in other words, like the synthetics Viagra, Cialis and Levitra. Many men who think they need more testosterone actually don’t; they simply need to increase their nitric oxide production.
Trial: “There is nothing remotely sexy or alluring about Horny Goat Weed. No attempt is made on the part of the distributor to dress up the fact that this was once a product enjoyed soley by goats. It arrives in a large green agricultural sack – an industrial bulk buy courtesy of Taobao, with some 500 ready-to-use teabags. No packaging. No instructions. Nothing. What’s the appropriate dosage – two, three, four bags? What is the requisite level of horn? Or to put it another way, ‘How horny is a goat?’ It’s the age old question. I settle on two tea bags, and begin what I hope will be my journey into a bestial world of raging sexual urges.
Two hours later – nothing. Not so much as a dirty thought. Perhaps I’m in the wrong environment? I leave the office and head into the great wide open.‘What would a horny goat do in this situation?’ I ask myself, unhelpfully. With a lack of immediate grazing spots available in central Beijing, I head to the next best place – Sanlitun. By this time I’ve drank the equivalent of six tea bags worth of the stuff. The only urge I have is to use the bathroom.
I Wonder if I’m doing it all wrong. Maybe I should have eaten it – like a goat? After some 30-minutes of aimless wondering, I return home in the hope that my girlfriend might enjoy sampling a cup or two. I put the kettle on, lower the lights and set the radio dial to ‘smooth soul’. I’m now ten-bags in. And still, nothing. I’m wondering if I’ve unwittingly ordered the wrong stuff? Maybe this was ‘tranquil goat weed’? I knew I should have paid more attention to the Chinese characters. What is the character for ‘horny’ anyway?
Finally my girlfriend returns – takes one sip of the tea, and politely informs me there is no way she is going to drink something that tastes and looks like “pond water”.
Things are getting desperate. My colleague calls me up to ask how things are progressing, and helpfully suggests I try Pornotube.com. Has it really come to this?
It’s nearing midnight, and still no noticeable effects. Viagra this isn’t. I do feel reasonably vigorous though – is that quantifiable? A definite mild sense of vim. But then I’m pretty sure I felt like that to begin with.”
Verdict: Extremely disappointing – of all the drugs I’ve sampled, this was supposed to be the most powerful - a sure fire thing. Would be unlikely to give it another go. On the positive side, it does taste pretty good.
Score: 1/10
As featured in the July issue of That's Beijing
0 User Comments