According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, sexual dysfunctions generally originate from not having enough yang in your life.
The best way to treat the problem is to take strengthening tonics and supplements that target the kidneys and liver, where our energy comes from.
Here are a few ways to get your qi juices flowing, available at all good apothecaries (except the tiger penis... that is only available at evil apothecaries).
Perhaps one of the more famous revitalization tools of the lot, Chinese have long treasured this root for its mystical powers.
Some say it’s the human shape that makes it particularly good for our bodies. We don’t buy that, but we do hear that ginseng relaxes muscles and improves blood flow to… vital areas.
The most expensive stuff is collected wild from deep within China's Dongbei region. Over-harvesting has led to its rarity, and a single root can go for as much as RMB18,000.
2. Horny Goat Weed
With a name like that, need we say more?
Legend has it that, 2,000 years ago, a Chinese farmer tending his herd of goats noticed the flock seemed more inclined to proliferate after feeding on this herb.
It didn’t take long for him to investigate, and TCM doctors now say that, when imbibed in a fortifying tonic, this randy plant not only increases libido in men and women, it can also help gentlemen with any plumbing issues they might be experiencing.
3. Fo-Ti / He Shou Wu
He Shou Wu, which translates to 'Black-Haired Mr. He,' refers to yet another tale of a man who found the secret to restored youth and vigor.
The story goes that old villager Mr. He took fo-ti and not only got his groove back, but also experienced a return of his lush black hair and youthful smooth skin*.
TCM doctors today say that He Shou Wu increases fertility, and can also help clear your arteries. Imagine that from your morning cup of tea!
*Results may vary.
4. Toad Venom
Made from the dried white skin secretions from toads of the Bufo genus, it’s safe to say that the idea of 'licking toads' originated from TCM medicine.
But, far from the psychedelic high that parents are paranoid about, TCM says this agent should be applied topically, which numbs the man's member helping them last a little longer.
That said, the stimulant was brought to the attention of the mass media in the West when two men in New York City consumed little blocks of the stuff, experienced irregular heart palpitations... and then died.
Western doctors subsequently banned it.
The first reference of this fantastic fungus in China is found in The Classic Herbal of the Divine Plowman, a book written in 200 AD.
An incredibly rare species, the best of which is found only deep in the highlands of Tibet and Southwest China, Cordyceps is actually an invasive fungus which plants itself in Tibetan silkworms.
As it grows, the spores overwhelm the animal, kill it, and sprout from its dead carcass.
As one might expect from such a persistent brute, the tonic made from Cordyceps is said to significantly improve vitality, stamina and testosterone production.
Eating it, however, can be more expensive than consuming gold; the best stuff runs for around RMB200,000/kg.
If you’ve got problems with yours, eat another animal’s. That’s how the thinking goes.
While a tiger’s member is still thought to give men the most vim and vigor, it’s obviously very rare… and very illegal.
Morally sound men will have to make do with the dongs of other powerful animals.
The disco stick of an ox, thrown into a fortifying soup, is sure to make you 'strong like bull,' while deer penis pickled in wine or powdered up and sprinkled over your cereal could be just the potion for your potency.
7. Birds Nest
Made by the spit and toil of a bird called the cave swift, these nests are harvested and sold for sky high prices.
It seems the saliva of these speedy birdies are incredibly rich in nutrients and can, among other things, improve skin tone, aid digestion, improve cognitive abilities and – you guessed it – raise the libido.
However, mass demand for this gelatinous delicacy is so great that harvesters have become a little over zealous, often dumping little swiftlets to their death in their eagerness to meet quotas.
8. Deer Antler Velvet
The poor deer seem to play host to a lot of stimulating dainties.
In Hunan Province, a silk scroll was recovered from nearly 3,000 years ago listing 52 different diseases that deer antler velvet can cure.
They are considered one of the strongest male 'yang' enhancers. Women, meanwhile, take deer velvet for infertility issues.
In short, take this in a tonic and sexual dysfunctions be gone!
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the deer horn or skin that’s used, but rather a spongy material in between bone and skin which helps antlers grow at a rapid pace in the spring.
It quite literally gives them the horn...