Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Your soulmate will appear this month on the metro and conveniently sit right next to you on your Monday morning rush hour ride. Can’t find an open seat? Better luck with Cupid’s arrow next month.
Your strange sense of humor will win you a lot of virtual awkward silences, so lay off posting weird WeChat stickers of yourself for the time being and switch your comedic focus to the Trump administration instead.
It’s getting cold. All you can think of is hotpot. Go big and take yourself out to someplace nice for dinner. You deserve to treat your fabulous self every now and then.
You’re feeling a little tired and stressed so maybe it’s time to find a less demanding job. Switch things up for a bit and try freelance writing or start vlogging your daily routine to the world. You do love the spotlight.
Your mobile devices have been a constant energy drain, so stop tweeting every single thought and try having a face-to-face conversation. Wait, there’s no character limit? How does that work?
All of your friends are getting married, having kids and moving on with their lives but you’re still curing those hangovers every weekend. Try adopting a cat. On second thought, don’t. You can barely take care of yourself.
The year is almost over, and like most people, you haven’t even checked off one thing on your New Year’s Resolutions list. The good news is, unlike your annual leave days, they can be carried over to 2019. Yay!
The god of wealth is smiling upon you this month so try your luck at playing the lottery. If you win, donate half of your earnings to your friend’s Kickstarter for that album he’s been trying to put out but don’t expect to see a penny of it ever again.
Avoid going to that fancy new cocktail bar on Friday and Saturday nights this month. Not because you can’t afford it but it’s pretty much a dead zone for cabs or Didis after 10pm. We’re just looking out for you, OK?
You’ve been putting off taking your relationship to the next level for a few months now and it’s finally time to do it. Invite that special someone home with you because you’ve got really fast Wi-Fi for hunting down Singles Day deals on Tmall.
Spending a lot of time on the road this month means things will get a little out of control back home. Be sure to remind your ayi not to touch a single thing on your desk or you might start to feel like you’re going crazy.
Your regular Meituan deliveryman might be into you, but those feelings should not be reciprocated. Maybe just give him a five-star rating on the homepage on his next visit. He does always deliver pretty fast.