Dear Jamie is a regular series where our readers seek advice from Jamie, a Guangdong-based life coach.
Dear Jamie,
I have been faithful to my wife, yet she always suspects me of cheating on her. I hand over my money to her, so she knows exactly where every dime I spend goes. She has no reason to be suspicious.
If I stay out drinking with buddies, the phone calls start around 11pm and don’t end until I get home. If I’m not back by 1am, she’s either crying or ready for a screaming match. Beginning last month, the situation became even worse.
She has taken to whiffing my crotch every time I return home, apparently looking for the smell of condoms or checking that I am suitably sweaty and haven’t showered recently. At first I thought it was hilarious, but now it feels insulting and degrading.
Explaining how I feel to her has only resulted in her accusing me of infidelity. What should I do?
- Suspected in Shenzhen
Dear Suspected,
You know what they say, if the wife gives you lemons, rub them all over your genitals. This is a perfect opportunity to surprise your wife with new smells from around the world.
Apply a quick rub of sleep-aiding lavender before your nightly inspection and she’ll thank you for your thoughtfulness before drifting into a deep slumber.
If you’re as financially constrained as you suggest, you may need to get creative for sources of new scents. Heading straight back from the bar? Grab some mint from your last mojito and knead the leaves over your crotch.
Also, with Singles Day coming up, discarded roses should be aplenty. Simply pick one up from the street side and go to town.
If my scent scheme doesn't pass the sniff test, you’ll need to talk to your wife about boundaries and trust. If she can’t handle the discussion, you will need to reevaluate if a woman who doesn’t trust or respect you is really the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.
Assert yourself now. It might lead to short-term conflict, but ultimately it will improve your relationship... or raise some larger issues that are better dealt with sooner than later.
- Jamie
Need advice? Contact Jamie at Jamieinchina@outlook.com
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