Foreign 'Spartan' troops storm Beijing's Sanlitun in aggressive 'marketing’ attack

In terrifying scenes that brought to mind the Second Opium War, a horde of barbarian soldiers stormed the capital on Tuesday.

Employing a controversial overseas war tactic known as ‘a viral marketing stunt’ (the same one that was recently deployed by hostile Japanese forces, also in Sanlitun), the troops chanted battle cries exhorting local residents to betray their country and patronize a foreign dining establishment. 

With their yellow hair and large noses, the soldiers marched in formation through the streets of Beijing’s pseudo-foreign concession of Sanlitun, wielding containers of an unfamiliar substance, reported to be salad. Quarantine officials have yet to confirm if the alien vegetation poses a threat to local flora and fauna. 

Thankfully, the foreign threat was no match for the brave Chinese people, who resolutely opposed and steadfastly surrounded the invaders until reinforcements arrived on the scene.

The so-called ‘Spartans’ were swiftly dealt with by Beijing police and charged with “affecting public order,” the Beijing Youth Daily reported.