Finally a horoscope that understands your life in Beijing.
Aries
3.21-4.20
Unfortunately, illness, public embarrassments and, inexplicably, flooding will all make an appearance this month. Buy an auspicious “Ming dynasty” vase from Panjiayuan Antique Market just in case.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
With the planet of love, Venus, in your charts until April 24, now’s the perfect time to pick up some new toys from Qingqu on Gui Jie, or buy a new outfit. Think pink.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Don’t feign surprise at your negative Alipay balance – you know your weekly brunch dates in Sanlitun ain’t cheap. Pick up a side gig tutoring English and you’ll be back stuffing your face in no time.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
It’s a month of missed connections. You’ll accidentally swipe left on Tinder. You’ll get off the bus as your crush gets on. And, most cutting, you’ll miss the Line 10 to 1 Guomao transfer during rush hour.
Leo
7.23-8.23
After an indulgent start to the year, it’s time to get serious about work. That may mean your career, fitness workout, or, lets be real, neither. You’re reading this from Great Leap right now, aren’t you?
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Last month was weird. You know what we’re talking about. Shake it off at your favorite club night or No Lights No Lycra. (But if you’re feeling yourself in lycra, that’s OK, too.) Avoid 'X' districts like Xicheng and Daxing.
Libra
9.24-10.23
It’s your half-birthday. Don’t tell people this, though, you weirdo. Instead, quietly celebrate the occasion by treating yourself to a night of symphony at NCPA. You’re getting fancy in your old age, Libra.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
You may have a friend (enemy) or family member (annoying cousin) in town this month. Take them out. To the Great Wall, that is. Or, send them down to Tianjin (“It’s just like Europe, I swear!”).
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Remember that meltdown you had this time last year after you got stuck in traffic and missed your flight to Phuket? Yeah, maybe it’s best to stay in Beijing for Qingming Festival.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
Feeling sluggish? Try going meat-free this month. People say it’s hard being a vegetarian in Beijing, but they probably don’t have a woman selling corn outside their office building, like you do.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
Did spring even happen if you don’t post blossom photos to your Instagram? Beware, though: Your VPN is going to be all over the place this month. Servers in Kenya, Macedonia and Bhutan are most auspicious.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
It’s time to change your ‘arty’ WeChat display pic. Try and include your face, even if it is a blurry shot of your profile. Do this and you’ll be blessed for the rest of the year.
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