In a city of 24 million people, a typical day is filled with dozens of unexpected interpersonal interactions. While most are unremarkable, there are some – be it an instant attraction, an awkward meetup, or a random hookup – that are anything but ephemeral.
This is a fleeting moment that's shared between two sentient beings that can only be described as fate. We don’t always get to say what we want in the blink of an instant, so this is an opportunity to give a shout-out to a special someone, recount a funny story or flaunt a hookup.
These are this month's Missed Connections of Shanghai, a star-crossed lovers lockdown special...
Hazmat Hottie
Despite not being able to see your mouth, hair, face nor even your body shape or size, I could tell you were the man of my dreams, in your Baymax-chic hazmat suit, as you called me forward in line for my compound’s COVID test.
I coughed to get your attention, and we made eye contact as you gently placed the swab in my throat. You proceeded to move it back and forth, subtly hinting that you clearly wanted to put more than just the Q-tip in its place next time. I would love to get to know you more... from a three-meter distance, of course.
Or maybe next time I can swab you?
Morning Booster
I spotted you dancing naked on the 25th floor of Building 12 of One Park Avenue. As I live on the 26th floor of Building 13, I had an ideal bird’s eye view of you alternating singing into and chugging from a bottle of wine while gyrating your hips to what – I can only assume – was a Shakira banger. This was all taking place at 9am.
Lets just say, your moves really gave me a booster.
Symptomatic Sexiness
I saw you in bed N5 B4-167 of the Shanghai New International Expo Center – Shanghai’s largest centralized quarantine site – after being brought there from my apartment when I tested positive for COVID.
You were standing next to the bed doing a combination of taichi and yoga stretches in your bare feet while watching Douyin videos on full volume. That flexibility... that forward bend... that limber spine... it just got me. There are 15,000 beds in there, but only one I wanted to end up in.
What I really tested positive for was a symptomatic case of the hots for you.
Bao’an Bliss
You’re the new volunteer bao’an in my lane, and while most are scared of your blaring screech, I look forward to that raspy yell to wake me up each morning for my 7.30am COVID test.
I’ve noticed your furtive glances, the special treatment you afford me – allowing me to keep my dog out for just a few minutes longer than everyone else – and your laughing emoji icon responses to my messages in the neighborhood group chat about when we will be released.
Maybe it’s the boxy, non-descript uniform or the plastic, full-face visor, but I would contact trace the Dynamic COVID-zero out of you.
Quarantine and Chill
We both reached for the same takeaway order of chili con carne nachos and a Corona at Tacolicious just minutes before they closed down on the eve of lockdown.
You were wearing a white 3M mask, a white hoodie and matching white sneakers: a bold color choice for such a mess-prone dinner. But, I admire your dedication to secure that necessary last order before this lockdown apocalypse.
As we already have similar taste in food, why not just bring it back to the bedroom for a little quarantine and chill; I think we could find a way to keep busy for Lockdown Phase II.
Puppy Prowess
I spotted you sneaking out at 2am for a walk with your pup. However, your four-legged friend seemed to be mid-dream in your arms, and the walk was clearly just for you. I like that wild, breaking-the-rules streak in a woman.
And – just saying – we wouldn’t need to sneak outside in the middle of the night for you to take my furry member for a walk.
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Tune in in Phase II Lockdown to find out if your COVID missed connection is looking for you too!
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