That's Horoscopes: August 2018

By Dominique Wong, August 1, 2018

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Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.


Leo

7.23-8.23

Finally it’s your time to shine. Throw a massive party at your favorite hotel, invite your entire WeChat friends list and ugly cry when only two-thirds of them show up. Livestream the entire drama.


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Virgo

8.24-9.23

It’s going to be a messy month – emotionally that is. You are likely to burst into tears for no reason. If this concerns you, swap out the pastries and try jianbing for breakfast instead.


Libra

9.24-10.23

You are feeling extra carefree thanks to Jupiter’s presence somewhere in your chart. Indulge your inner child by singing some 90s hits at your favorite dive bar – but avoid Spice Girls at all costs. 


Scorpio

10.24-11.22

This is the cheeriest month you will experience all year. Attend every party as humanly possible, as you will genuinely enjoy talking to others (unlike next month, when you will struggle to remember why).


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Sagittarius

11.23-12.21

You will suffer social media fatigue. Don’t be ashamed, it happens to the best of us. Reach out to friends. Take a long walk in the park and try really hard not to Instagram the moment. 


Capricorn

12.22-1.20

You may encounter a monetary windfall this month. Try asking your laoban for a raise or playing the Chinese lottery. Donate your winnings to a local charity.


Aquarius

1.21-2.19

Family takes focus. When was the last time you FaceTimed your parents? Don’t blame your crappy VPN service; blame your lack of filial piety. Take it too far and buy them return tickets to China. 


Pisces

2.20-3.20

It may be August, but it’s never too late to make good on all those Chinese New Year resolutions. If you're still single, head to an InterNations event and ask the first person you make eye contact with to marry you.


Aries

3.21-4.20

‘Work hard, play hard’ may be your motto but try taking it easy this month. The stars say you should turn off your WeChat notifications and stay home on Friday nights. 


Taurus

4.21-5.21

Be wary of strangers – especially that person on Line 2 who asks whether you’d like to become a foreign assistant to a Chinese CEO. Give the opportunity a hard pass.


Gemini

5.22-6.21

The most important relationship this month is the one you have with yourself – both of yourselves. Treat yourself to a Chinese Valentines Day dinner at a fancy hotel and go crazy with Tmall Qixi deals. Feel regret afterwards.


Cancer

6.22-7.22

Both your financial and bodily affairs require attention. Cash in all your member points around town and only spend your RMB on an expensive gym membership.

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