Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
You’re another year older but you’re still getting boozed-up like a college kid five nights a week. Time to lay off the sauce a bit and take up a new hobby. May we suggest plogging?
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Summer is coming up quick and you haven’t hit the gym since September. Tsk, tsk! This month, get that beach bod back by trying out one of the many bootcamps happening around town.
Leo
7.23-8.23
"Work, work, work, work, work, work" [sang Rihanna]. It’s going to be a hectic month for you at the office, but you need to slog through it. You’ll be surprised how much you accomplish if you skip your usual afternoon nap.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
The fact that you have an American accent when you speak Chinese has not hindered your lust to go places. Keep practicing with taxi drivers this month to truly reach your direction-giving potential.
Libra
9.24-10.23
You had a very social May, so take some time for yourself this month by visiting to one of the many cat cafes around town or going for a picnic at the park.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
Stop trying to meet people on Tantan. Scorpiobaby, we love you but we have to tell you that it never works. Try meeting some of your peers at a networking event instead of hitting on ‘that girl’ who works at your go-to bar.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Don’t get discouraged when your colleagues give you some unwanted feedback. Learn to take criticism like a Chinese middleman, by nodding your head, saying “hao, hao, hao,” and then doing whatever you please.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
While your work habits are great, according to Jack Ma they don’t actually help you achieve ‘self-actualization.’ Take a couple of minutes each day to ask what your ultimate goal is and refocus on that.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
Stop trying to save the world, you don’t have to help everyone and you certainly don’t need to lend money to your drunk friend again. That said, if a pregnant woman walks on the metro – give her your seat.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
While your optimistic outlook on life might annoy some expats, it keeps you sane in the cutthroat world of training center teaching. Keep up the cheer this month and destroy all the Debbie downers with your happy outlook.
Aries
3.21-4.20
Be careful this month! The Waimai delivery guy might be headed the wrong way up the street or the rain might make the sidewalk extra slippery. Stay safe and wear your red underwear for extra luck.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
Now is the time to make decisions! Move forward! Hit on the bao'an at work. Buy those noise canceling headphones off thMart. Put pig brain in your hot pot. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
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