Is it possible to feel nostalgic for things that once sucked? That’s what hipsters do, right? Turn something gauche into something new?
We only ask because the decor at Snake Livehouse, the newest and weirdest club in Beijing, is reminiscent of a cheap 90s film set, albeit with pool tables and tattoo parlors to the side. And as horrible and tacky as that sounds – or, to be totally honest – as horrible and tacky as it is, we can’t help but like the place.
Snake Livehouse is weird. Hell, it transports you to another dimension. Indication of this begins when you try to find it. The bar is located on the seventh floor of Yashow Market, which, yes, is indeed a construction site.
We aren’t the only ones surprised by the location. In fact, a group of construction workers tell us repeatedly that there is nothing within the market’s plywood confines. But in the name of providing quality bar reviews to the people, we find another entrance and navigate our way upstairs.
This is merely the first bizarre experience of the evening. Upon entering the bar, we’re greeted by the sounds of 00s-era pop (Christina! Heyoo!) punctuated by the drilling and hammering taking place beneath us. The decor is eclectic to say the least – everything from tiki lights to a glass case displaying metal crosses to a photo of Jessica Alba with a tattoo she definitely doesn’t have. (And yes, we just read that list aloud in the voice of Bill Hader’s Stefon.)
We order drinks just as weird as their surroundings: a sticky sweet punch called Summer Lovers (RMB45), and Tonight Do Not Go Home (RMB45). We don’t expect that latter one’s name to make any sense, and yet when we taste it, it suddenly does. It is an insanely strong vodka-whisky mix. Tonight, we Do Not Go Home.
And so we sit, sipping cocktails and listening to what is now blaring techno on a white couch that is very much out of place in a room full of weird doodads. The whole experience is trashy, it’s cheesy and it’s, by all objective standards, not that good – and yet it’s fucking awesome. Just when you think glitz and ritz have spread their manicured, Starbucks-toting hands all over Sanlitun, a tattoo-parlor-turned-livehouse-in-a-construction-site pops up, and the contrast is downright hilarious. We can’t imagine a better place to be drunk.
There are some aspects of the venue worth legitimately appreciating sans irony: the rooftop, for one, on which you can look over the sidestreets around Yashow while sipping your Tonight Do Not Go Home, and the service. When we ask for directions to the exit, a staffer personally ushers us down seven levels of stairs and thusly releases us into the modern world of Sanlitun bars and shops, like British schoolchildren stepping out of a wardrobe from Narnia.
Upon Yashow’s completion – July, if all goes to plan – Snake will host rock concerts. Until then, cherish this place, because it’s exactly the kind of good-deal, locally owned venue that’ll get forced out by a McDonalds and a Uniqlo in five years’ time.
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