Can’t touch this… No really. You can’t. Well, not unless you come with five other friends, because you see those seats are reserved for groups of six or more, sir. Sorry. How about you sit here instead – in one of these smaller, less comfortable-looking seats – nearer to the fake fireplace? But it’s empty? I’m literally the only person in the entire bar. Sorry, sir. Company policy.
Sitting alone, at 9pm in an empty bar on a Saturday night is usually a sure sign that something, somewhere has gone badly wrong – for both the patron and bar. As I wait for the same member of staff who earlier prevented me from sitting on the leather sofa to arrive back with a menu, I contemplate this. I’m alone because I’m waiting for a friend in traffic. What excuse does Touch Beijing have?
Eventually the waiter appears with a menu. The cheapest drink listed is RMB80. I order a Hemingway Daiquiri and watch as the waiter disappears behind a red curtain into a back room.
It will be several minutes before he reappears and a further ten before someone else arrives back with my drink. I am still the only person here (not counting the solitary bouncer guarding the motionless door).
The lack of patrons bring the bar’s bored-looking wait staff into sharp focus. Most of the them – including the barmen – wear red shirts, replete with 1920s-style braces and sleeve garters, but a few (presumably the security detail) are given the honor of wearing white. The distinction is an important one: the white shirts strut around throwing air punches. The red shirts take selfies and preen each others’ hair. Remember, this is a bar that charges 80 kuai per drink and has reserved seating for ghost customers.
The overall aesthetic is a mix of faux-Manhattan glamour and Chinese chutzpah, that feels neither new nor comfortable. Nevertheless, with over 640sqm of floor space, it does rank as one of the city’s larger venues – a fact that could prove to be its eventual saving grace. Not only is it spacious, it also contains an impressive stage set-up, featuring a white grand piano, making it one of the few locations able to host serious live jazz.
The daiquiri’s aren’t bad either. After we get up to leave, I notice that I am still the only drinks-buying patron. That’s a lot of empty chairs for a bar of this size at 9.40pm on a Saturday night. And a lot of selfies.
// Daily 6pm-2am, 4 Gongti Beilu, Chaoyang 朝阳区工体北路4号 (No tel.)
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