Oh, Chois Coffee, it has been two months of ups and downs, hasn’t it? You caught my eye when you arrived from Korea, knocked down that overpriced kids clothing store and unfurled your Provencale blue awning and crisp white font. I got butterflies in my stomach when your menu promised pizza, burgers, pasta and fries alongside regular coffee house snacks. I blushed when you put up that second floor of seating and a two-level outdoor patio. But the first tastes of your ice cream were confusing — at RMB20 a scoop, surely a level of depth is reasonable to expect? And I know, I know, you want to be different, but deep down, you do know that nobody really likes taro ice cream, right?
Every day I showed up, heart on my sleeve, wanting to experience the warmth of your hot food. And every day your fedora-clad wait staff gave me a coy ‘mingtian.’ I guess maybe you were just playing hard to get. But your slogan kept me going, etched out on the wall in cursive: ‘The Chois is yours.’
I attempted to know your other side, the lighter, more carefree salad and pre-made sandwich side. I gave the benefit of the doubt with that bacon salad (RMB28), that maybe it was good – hours before I got my hands on it. Those were 5am greens and you let me pull those limp leaves off the shelf at 7pm. But then, then to follow up with sandwich shenanigans? You think you know me well enough already to intuit what I like on a RMBB32 sandwich? I popped open that ciabatta bun, thinking the sliced chicken sticking out was up to snuff, only to have my burgeoning delight dampened by your soppy ketchup and mayonnaise. Did you expect me to sit there scraping and soaking up your misplaced condiments with napkins? I mean really, it was like eating a sandwich made by someone who had never eaten a sandwich before.
We took a break. You were busy establishing yourself and I gave you that space, a whole month. Then, finally, I heard through a friend that you were ready to give me pasta. I gobbled back that carbonara (RMB42), and was pleased that you hadn’t overdone the spaghetti and had shown some maturity with that smoky creamy sauce. But really, next time, if you’re going to bring mushrooms along, I think you should tell me in advance.
Finally, I crossed your doors that chilly morning and I again bashfully implored, for the last time: burger? No. Fries? Mingtian. Pizza? You smiled, made me wait too long, but eventually gave me pizza (RMB42). Nothing comes that easily with you, though. What was with the unannounced mushrooms? And why so stingy with the cheese? Now completely discombobulated, I glanced around and reality set in. Your faux-edgy bare-brick walls hover gloomily over the only corners showing signs of life with some cacti and topiary. The collage of magazine cutouts of Drew Barrymore and Guess and Dior ads hesitantly decoupaged onto the wall upstairs looks like you took design tips from my 14-year-old self in 1990.
Well, let’s try to end on a sweet note. I binged on your tight, clearly from-frozen apple pie (RMB30) and your stale carrot cake (RMB30) and thought of sawdust. Can I at least drown my disappointment in a mojito, the strangely solitary cocktail on your menu? "Mingtian."
Adieu, Chois. At least you made a good cup of coffee.
// 102A, 1/F, ParknShop, 561 Tianhe Bei Lu, Tianhe District, Guangzhou 广州市天河区天河北路561号百佳购物广场1楼102A (020-8523 8363)
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