Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
If you’re a Virgo who can’t drive, don’t feel ashamed. But with a lucky transportation star in your chart this month, why not take a lesson or two? Oh, that’s right: Traffic is horrific. Never mind.
Libra
9.24-10.23
Unfortunately you’ll likely be stuck in town for the holiday, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time. Party at a club and have dinner with your ‘Shanghai family,’ AKA your roommates.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
It’s time to start writing that ‘foreigner in China’ memoir you’ve always threatened. No need to change any names – those bridges have long been burned – but you must write only at a cafe on Tuesdays.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
People that say ‘good things happen to those who wait’ have probably never had to wait two hours for their waimai salad to arrive like you this month, unless ‘good things’ means starvation and weight loss.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
All work and no play makes for a boring Capricorn (news flash: achieving work goals doesn’t count as play). Do something fun outdoors like going for a hike or people watching at a park.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
Your house of communication is a real mess this month, so be very explicit with everything you say and do. Don’t say ‘bu yao’ when you actually do want that last dumpling, thanks very much.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
Both bargains and relationships look good this month. Download Pinduoduo, get a group of friends in on a group deal for 5kg of nuts for just RMB9.99, and then gift them to your contacts for guanxi purposes.
Aries
3.21-4.20
You know the saying: Keep your friends close and your enemies on WeChat. Hate-like all of the latter’s Moments while setting your own to ‘Three Days Viewable Only,’ because you’re, like, so private.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
As the season changes, so too does your mood. You may find yourself going to places you’d typically avoid. Just embrace it.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
It’s time to make a commitment to that person you’ve been seeing a lot of lately – not your Tinder date, silly, but the Meituan delivery guy. You already have his number, now, ‘Go, Go, Go!’
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Your ruling planet takes center stage this month thanks to Mid-Autumn Festival. This means you will shine extra bright and receive more attention from others. Eat two moon cakes per day.
Leo
7.23-8.23
After last month’s b’day blowout it seems you’ve blown a hole in your Alipay account. Ride out the month, literally, by taking a Mobike instead of taxi. Also hit up Starbucks for free cake samples.
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