Each April, Hong Kong is descended upon by droves of partying pilgrims masquerading as ‘rugby fans’ to partake in the Hong Kong Sevens, the piece de resistance of Asia’s biggest party.
Hong Kong is already a laosiji (old driver) paradise. When coupled with the influx of tourists from a variety of nations looking to watch their home team win glory in Hong Kong, it becomes utterly bananas.
10,000 Liters of questionable decisions, aqueous form
The beers are iced, the media credentials sorted. The partiers are groggily arriving to the stadium. Hong Kong Sevens 2017 is on. Keep your eye on That’s PRD for more Hong Kong Sevens coverage.
In the meantime, here are four things I noticed while drinking on the Hong Kong Sevens beat for That’s PRD. Sorry, I meant working the beat. It’s a hard knock life.
1. The Depravity of the South Stands Knows no Bounds
Tales of plastic cups being filled with urine being launched down the stands, fights and all sorts of other lewd behavior personify the Hong Kong Stadium South Stands, the original hive of scum and villany.
It isn’t even Saturday yet when the real crazies come out to play, with groups of young men and women in outlandish costumes mulling about the beer garden. All hold Saturday tickets. Friday belongs to the families, Saturday to the partiers, Sunday to the lucky souls that Hong Kong hasn’t chewed up and spit out yet.
The scene early Friday morning
2. Donnie Mahoney is Suprisingly Normal
I ran into Zack Etkind last night, the man behind the viral YouTube series Donnie Does. We got to chat while we were both lost looking for one of those hidden warrens of a street in Hong Kong that can only be found if you have been there before.
In real life he is super normal and chill, a classy man. It is only when he chugs three beers and a fanta, throws on the Celtics jersey, wraparound shades and the Bawsston accent that he transforms into everyones favroite foreign wanghong and vlogger, Donnie Mahoney.
"Gimme three Beahhs an ah Fanta" #crushmode
3. Hong Kong is the Star Wars Cantina Scene, Personified
I would wager most of the world's 190-plus UN nations have one or more of their citizens trawling Lan Kwai Fong in Hong Kong right now. While lost with Donnie Mahoney, we got directions from a guy who looked like Captian Nemo in League of Extraordinary Gentelmen and were ushered into the bar by an Indian man with a pompadour hairdo that is making Elvis turn like a ferris wheel in his Graceland grave.
Every possible human phenotype is on glorious display here and it is awesome.
Spotted at some random bar, Central District, Hong Kong.
4. Hong Kong is Home to an Inordinate Amount of Good Looking People
Maybe there is a selection bias at play since the Sevens attracts over 100,000 visitors. But walking down Central last night I couldn't help but wonder if having a nice suit or pair of Manalo Blahnik's is a prerequisite to living in Hong Kong.
I asked my bartender, por que, and he said the amount of attractive people is attributable to Derek Zoolander setting sail for Hong Kong in 1492 to open up trade and establish the Chinese Super League, taking with him a slew of models and luminous human beings.
He went on to detail Derek was a visionary as both Hong Kong and the CSL have prospered with the notable exception of Shanghai SIPG football club.
Or maybe he didnt say any of that and I misheard. My Cantonese is bu hao and I was already on another plane of existence, getting ready to bring That's all the Sevens news that's fit to print.
Keep it locked down here for more coverage.