Not convinced by Beijing's claims to virtually all of the South China Sea? What, maps not enough for you? Do you mistakenly believe that making territorial claims on historical grounds makes a mockery of international maritime law?
Until today, you may have been a lost cause - but now the secretary general of Xi'an's Taoism Association Liang Xiangyang has finally closed the case on the nine-dash line with a blistering commentary that appeared on the state-run China Daily.
After US assistant secretary of state for East Asian and Pacific Affairs Daniel Russell told the Washington Post that "reclamation isn't necessarily a violation of international law, but it's certainly violating the harmony, the feng shui, of Southeast Asia," Liang struck back with a vengeance, arguing that China's construction of man-made islands in the disputed waters was actually great for feng shui.
Needless to say, his claims are an indisputable as his country's.
Liang Xiangyang exercising indisputable sovereignty over core interest teddy and lollipop, as he has done since ancient times
READ MORE: ASEAN, US and Japan all lay into China over 'muscle flexing' in South China Sea
According to Liang, the "shortage of land" in the sea (a curious phenomenon common to many bodies of water) means that "there is no strong point in the area and this is bad for the region's stability." If only they could pave over the whole thing, presumably, world peace might be within reach.
Luckily for everyone, China is there to graciously provide such a strong point by constructing military facilities on top of destroyed coral reefs - a result which, Liang believes, will benefit the "earth-moon system," thus making it easier for humans to conduct future moon landings. How the United States managed to conduct manned moon landings without these is frankly inexplicable - and potentially due to some Faustian pact with the Devil.
If the legal and historical arguments still haven't won you over to Beijing's side, surely this watertight feng shui case will.
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