Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
You’ve been reckless lately, but the line needs to be drawn at the week-old chicken in your fridge. Do not eat it. Toss it in your food waste bin – you don’t need salmonella, you need help.
Leo
7.23-8.23
You’ve been having random aches and pains: This is your body’s way of telling you to lay off the sauce for a few days. You’ve been going hard the last few weeks but maybe it’s time for you to go in a new direction. Yoga, maybe?
Virgo
8.24-9.23
This month, a friend you thought you could trust will turn out to be a snake in the grass, or should we say, ‘a dragon in the boat.’ Wait, people don’t say that? Oh. Well, be on the lookout anyway.
Libra
9.24-10.23
Practice your Chinese number hand signs this month, as communication is the key to a successful July. The difference between the signs for eight and seven could be the difference between getting a new paoyou, job or client and not.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
You’re rightly paranoid that your visa may run out before the borders reopen. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do. So, crack open a cold one and start looking for flights to Southeast Asia – now is the time to realize your dream of becoming a diving instructor.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
You want to party but you’re also worried about a second wave of COVID-19 hitting China. Compromise by having a boozy picnic with only your closest six friends (remember social distancing). Also, wear yellow on the 15th this month.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
You may think you’re being clever, but you are actually just being mean. While tact may not be something you exercise very often, you may want to start thinking about what you say and how it affects other people, even in your second language.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
No direction in life? No real dreams or goals? Just kind of drifting along? Are you actually starting to believe what’s written in the monthly That’s horoscopes? You’d better make a change soon, otherwise you might end up joining the Flat Earth Society.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
If a random person invites you to take a ride in their BYD, don’t do it. This is not the month to start trusting strangers. That said, if the stranger is driving a Cadillac then hop in – it might just be your new love interest!
Aries
3.21-4.20
You really need to stop drinking so much that you pass out at 10pm. There might be someone in your life who wants to get intimate with you, but because of your excessive drinking you’ve missed many an opportunity.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
You’ve spent the last three months working out and your beach body is up to par. Now you just need to find the most chlorinated pool ever, because you’ve become a borderline germophobe and your motto has become “Sanitize! Sanitize! Sanitize!”
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Big changes are coming into your life for July and whether they are good or bad changes remains to be seen. If this seems a bit ominous, well, it should be. Test the waters with a single toe before diving in.
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