Logan R. Brouse, proprietor and mixologist of Logan’s Punch, has run bars and clubs in Shanghai for over six years. In between hangovers, he puts pen to paper in his column for That's to record his pontifications on the drink industry.
“His head was pounding and his vision skewed in some way, he was vaguely amazed at being alive, and not sure that it was worth it. ”― Cormac McCarthy
Through years of tireless research, I've developed serious cures for serious hangovers. I’m not talking about pansy cures like taking an aspirin before bed (which, for the record, does not work.) These are cures for when you’re so blacked out you completely forget how you got into bed the first place, or how those White Castle sliders ended up in your living room. Sure, there are more cures, some of the illegal variety that would be taboo for us to mention, but we'll leave you our very best with bar-tested and mother-disapproved remedies.
1. Responsible Drinking
Ha ha, ha, ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…If you were responsible, you probably wouldn't be drinking. As you can tell, I don't take this one seriously. Just like those abstinence programs from your teenage years, this really doesn't apply to the typical That’s Shanghai reader. However, for legal reasons and to soothe our questionable morals, we felt the need to at least mention it.
2. Magical Chinese Soup: Xingjiu Tang (醒酒汤)
This elixir, which translates to ‘sober up soup,’ and is a proper kick in the hangover balls, it’s a potent mix of ginger, ground black pepper, garlic and chives. Marvel as it heals your ravaged stomach lining, filling you with a warm embrace of love and fragrant spices, much like a hug from your ayi that lasts a little longer then it should.
3. Sherpa’s (or your food delivery service of choice)
Do you remember in Kill Bill Volume 1, when Uma Thurman finally makes her way into the Pussy Wagon and wills herself through sheer determination to wiggle her big toe? Sometimes, when I’m that hungover it’s all I can do to open up my Sherpa’s App, order Indian food and fall back into the twirling blackness. When the deliveryman finally appears I know I need to push myself out of bed, to the door and to my table so I can shame eat and watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia until I can summon the will to live again.
4. Exercise
The Wolf of Wall Street’s Jordan Belfort had something going when he would head into the steam room every morning after a long night of partying. I never really believed this one until I actually went to the gym while hungover – well actually I woke up drunk and decided the gym was a great idea, and it was until I got there and the hangover started knocking and I was stupid enough to answer the door. However, after 30 minutes on the elliptical machine watching more Always Sunny I felt great. The blood flow must have purged my booze toxins into sweat.
5. Hair of the Dog, i.e. Fernet, Bloody Mary’s
Above: The Commune Social's Bloody Mary's
Sometimes you just have to jump on the grenade and start drinking again. Use up that sick leave, swallow down your headache and go for it. Start with a shot of Fernet and then another, follow it up with Jameson picklebacks, Hemingway Daiquiri’s – basically anything that will get you back to being blotto. This is hardcore and yes, you're going to pass out. The thing is that you want to be so stonking drunk that you sleep through your first hangover and the second. In retrospect it might not be the best cure, but it is certainly the most fun.
Ultimately, you've got wear your hangover with pride. It’s a matter of personal style that you can walk around the office on a Wednesday morning, unshaven, smelling like the inside of a Chinese taxi in mid-August, bleary-eyed, grumpy and hold your head high – because you've earned it. In all honesty, you've probably paid good money to get in as bad shape as you were the night before , so let 'em see your war face.
Remember, Dean Marin once said, "I pity people who don't drink, when they wake up its the best they'll feel all day." Cheers.
Read more columns by Logan R. Brouse.
0 User Comments