In a city of 24 million people, a typical day is filled with dozens of unexpected interpersonal interactions. While most are unremarkable, there are some – be it an instant attraction, an awkward meetup, or a random hookup – that are anything but ephemeral. This is a fleeting moment that's shared between two sentient beings that can only be described as fate. We don’t always get to say what we want in the blink of an instant, so this is an opportunity to give a shout-out to a special someone, recount a funny story or flaunt a hookup. These are this week’s Missed Connections of Shanghai...
The Blonde That Got Away
While driving north on Changde Lu, a car swerved into the scooter lane to make an un-signaled right turn, nicking the back of my scooter. You dodged the car, but shouted after the driver on my behalf, and then turned towards me with a look that said, “This guy, am I right?” I smiled back, you blushed, and I feel like we instantly connected. We drove alongside each other for a while, and I tried to get your attention again to ask for your WeChat, but I got distracted by the fact that the back trunk attachment of my scooter was slowly falling off and dragging along the road; the car must have hit me harder than I originally thought. I leaned back to try to hold the trunk in place while still staying in line with you, but you sped off, leaving me and my half falling apart scooter in the dust. You seem like you had a place to go, and I want to go there with you.
We finished up a nice date with some ice cream from Grom, and you asked me if I wanted to go for a walk along Nanjing Road. I rarely have issues with lactose intolerance, but about 20 minutes into the stroll, I realized that something was not sitting right in my stomach. When we finally reached your hotel, you actually invited me up, but by this point my need to destroy a bathroom within the next two minutes was imminent. I wanted to spend the night, but I couldn’t even fathom the idea as I squeezed my butt cheeks together and waddled away like a poop-filled penguin. That night, the toilet got a lot more action than your bed. But if you’re still interested, I’d love to change that.
I heard the commotion before I saw you. You had just been brutally pushed over by an 80+ year old ayi on the Line 10 train near Shanghai Library, knocking over several other passengers as you went down. I wanted to help, but the man in front of me (that I was essentially spooning) would not allow me to pass, as is commonplace during rush hour. You got off the train at the next stop, and as the doors closed, I caught your eye just in time for the train to move onto its next destination.
Cuddle Puddle Curious
Your dog started sniffing my dog’s butt, as dogs do, at Fuxing Park last Sunday. Then, you’re dog started aggressively humping my dog, as neutered dogs don’t. Slightly offended, and protective of my pup, I had to pull away before I could get your name. I have a reliable dog ‘fixer’ if you need the contact, and then I’d love to let our pooches paw at each other while we – hopefully – do the same.
Fours a Crowd
I recently sat in a sports bar in Shanghai when these three incredibly different but equally amazing looking women came in – two brunettes and a red head. They sat down, ordered drinks and within a few minutes, they were laughing and feeling each others’ boobs! I couldn’t pay attention to the football on the telly because I just wanted to understand what was happening. I still don't know what was going on, but I fell in love with all three on the spot. Find me, and let's start a polyamorous relationship together.
I had just finished a long run and was arriving back home when I spotted my boyfriend biking towards me on his way to meet the boys for an after work beer at Alimentari. Looking so dapper in a new navy suit and striped pink tie I’d never seen before, I blocked your path in the road as beads of sweat flew from my excitedly waving arm. Inspired by the serendipitous nature of the unexpected meetup, I lunged towards your bike, but in that same instant, your face was lit by a street light. I realized that it was in fact not my boyfriend, but rather another equally attractive English gentleman with the exact same build and look. You rode away with a look of confusion on your face, but I wanted to get your WeChat in case things don’t work out with your doppelgänger.
Wild Wet Market Wednesday
I bumped into you at the Wet Market on Donghu Lu while picking out my veggies for the week. By accident, you dropped your bag of already-purchased groceries, and amongst the onions, carrots and peppers, was a strap-on dildo that they casually sell at the counter in convenience stores here in Shanghai. You shoved it back into the plastic bag and dipped, leaving a trail of soybeans behind you. Interesting purchase for a Wednesday morning, but I would be into experimenting with you, no matter the time of day... or day.
I saw you competing in the drinking games at Beernanza on Saturday, and you were totally crushing it. In between rounds I went over and introduced myself, but after consuming three liters of beer in less than 10 minutes, I wouldn’t remember my name either. I am not looking for anything serious, just someone to party with and possibly more. And a beer chugging champion seems like my ideal man.
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Tune in next Friday to find out if your missed connection is looking for you too!