Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Take a holiday from your perfectionism. Interprovincial travel is ill-advised right now but throw on the fire log channel and wear mismatching socks.
Libra
9.24-10.23
Liberate your Libra and liven’ your love life. September is the time to find a warm body to snuggle through the winter.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
Bill Gates is a Scorpio, but so was Charles Manson. Be careful what you wish for.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Sagittarians make the best circus clowns, so wherever you are, don’t expect to be taken too seriously.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
Capricorns need structure in their lives. Abstract ideas are often unattainable to the rigid mind.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
Aquarius is the party animal. It’s okay to dance on the table, but public nudity is frowned upon in the Middle Kingdom – and elsewhere.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
You’re a fish out of water. When booking a hotel, spring for the suite with the bathtub and pamper yourself, or else you might find your opportunities drying up.
Aries
3.21-4.20
The Ram is known for being somewhat abrasive. Expect a rekindled relationship in the near future, but with someone you crossed horns with.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
It’s time to quicken your pace in life. It’s not laziness, just complacency. Remember, Red Bull doth giveth you wings.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
When you’re talking to yourself on the subway, try wrapping your headphone cord around your face so that it looks like you’re on an important call.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Cancers are naturally in tune with other people’s feelings. Even if you can’t truly help anyone by playing pseudo-psychiatrist, at least it will make you feel better about yourself.
Leo
7.23-8.23
Be mindful of the microorganisms that live between your toes. It’s easy for the lion to forget about the little symbioses that keep it at the top of the food chain.
See more That’s Horoscopes here.
[Cover image via That’s]
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