Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ is your motto for this month, so don’t forget to send all of your China exes RMB1 hongbaos over WeChat for CNY!
Pisces
2.20-3.20
Some major changes are coming your way this month. You’ll be forced to use Eleme instead of Meituan, and your favorite lunch deals will vanish after the holiday. Roll with the punches like a true China veteran.
Aries
3.21-4.20
After a bad start to 2019, it looks like things might begin to turn around for you in February. That, however, will only happen if you hit all of the new restaurants and bars in town before the end of the month.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
Getting ready to move to a new house or office? It’s time to take Marie Kondo’s advice and throw away things that don’t “spark joy” – like those drawers full of Waimai plastic cutlery you’ve been accumulating in your drawer.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Your CNY trip has put a giant dent in your wallet so it’s time to cut back on some unnecessary daily expenses. Try eating a 7-Eleven baozi for breakfast instead of your regular Starbucks croissant sandwich, which is like, gross.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
After winning multiple hongbaos at your company’s annual dinner, it’s now time to treat your colleagues to a lavish brunch… at the mall food court. Another round of KFC congee, anyone?
Leo
7.23-8.23
Things will not go according to plan before the 15th. An ayi will steal your seat on the metro and your Alipay will cease to function when you need it most… Eat pork dumplings for seven days straight to avoid worse luck.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Your New Year’s resolution to reduce daily screen time has backfired, and now you’re just constantly obsessed with checking your iPhone screen time monitor, aren’t you?
Libra
9.24-10.23
It’s a month of tying up lose ends for you, which means you’ll finally be able to pass your HSK 1 exam after three unsuccessful attempts. Try ordering a venti green tea frappucino to celebrate… if you can.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
Beware of what you eat this month, as chances of getting food poisoning are unusually high. Knock on the table three times before each meal for good luck.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Your spontaneity will be your greatest asset. Hop on a plane and fly to Sanya for a weekend trip if the smoggy cold weather is too much for you to handle. Eat several steaming bowls of hot pot and don’t come back until springtime – or at all.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
With your BFFs away on their five-year tax break, you’ll need some new hobbies to pass the time. Now is your chance to explore the Far East! By that we mean the suburbs.
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