That's Horoscopes: April 2018

By Dominique Wong, April 2, 2018

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Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.


Aries

3.21-4.20

So you had a great March. Unfortunately, illness, public embarrassments and, inexplicably, flooding will all make an appearance this month. April Fools! Buy an auspicious “Ming dynasty” vase just in case, though.


Taurus

4.21-5.21

With the planet of love, Venus, in your charts until April 24, now’s the perfect time to buy a new outfit. Think pink.


Gemini

5.22-6.21

Don’t feign surprise at your negative Alipay balance – you know your weekly brunch dates ain’t cheap. Pick up a side gig tutoring English and you’ll be back stuffing your face in no time.


Cancer

6.22-7.22

It’s a month of missed connections. You’ll accidentally swipe left on Tinder. You’ll get off the bus as your crush gets on. And, you’ll miss the Line 2 to 1 transfer during rush hour.


Leo

7.23-8.23

After an indulgent start to the year, it’s time to get serious about work. That may mean your career, fitness workout, or, let's be real, neither. You’re reading this from a bar right now, aren’t you?


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Virgo

8.24-9.23

Last month was weird. You know what we’re talking about. Shake it off at your favorite club night. 


Libra

9.24-10.23

It’s your half-birthday. Don’t tell people this, though, you weirdo. Instead, quietly celebrate the occasion by treating yourself to a night of symphony. You’re getting fancy in your old age, Libra.


Scorpio

10.24-11.22

You may have a friend (enemy) or family member (annoying cousin) in town this month. Take them out. And by out, we mean some place really out there. Like, send them down to Suzhou (“It’s just like Venice, I swear!”).


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Sagittarius

11.23-12.21

Remember that meltdown you had this time last year after you got stuck in traffic and missed your flight to Phuket? Yeah, maybe it’s best to stay in China for Qingming.


Capricorn

12.22-1.20

Feeling sluggish? Try going meat-free this month. People say it’s hard being a vegetarian in China, but they probably don’t have a woman selling corn outside their office building, like you do. 


Aquarius

1.21-2.19

Did spring even happen if you don’t upload blossom photos to your Instagram? Beware, though: Your VPN is going to be all over the place this month. We’re talking Kenya, Macedonia and Bhutan.


Pisces

2.20-3.20

It's time to change your 'arty' WeChat display pic. Try and include your face, even if it is a blurry shot of your profile. Do this and you’ll be blessed for the rest of the year.


Click here for more horoscopes.

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