Americans living in China (and vice-versa) sometimes feel more at home than you might think. There is quite a bit of overlap between the Middle Kingdom and The U S of A, and we tracked down a few of the biggies here for your enjoyment. So crack open that Budweiser or bai jiu, and enjoy.
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Greatest country on earth
Take your pick: world’s premier defender of freedom and humanity, or world’s greatest, oldest civilization. Never mind the fact that China’s “5,000 years of civilization” uses a bit of fuzzy math to get there - even if you count the quasi-mythical Xia Dynasty, it’s still damn hard to squeeze more than 4,000 years out of China’s legacy. As for the US, it’s certainly easier to focus on the “freedom and democracy” bits if you mostly focus on white, well-off men.
But cynics be damned! These countries are the biggest and second-biggest economies in the world and – depending on which way you slice it – nobody’s even quite sure who is on top. They are big, rich, space rocket-launching, internet start-upping, dream-having powerhouses – and the people below won’t let you forget it.
Hilarious psycho patriots
Just turn on Fox News for a moment, if you dare, and you’ll realize that America is not only the greatest country on earth (see above) but it has its own cheerleaders, and they’re really into it. This may be best summed up by a country song that unironically includes the lines:
If it wasn't for the good lord and the man
There wouldn't be a breath of freedom in this land
And I see people on my T.V. taking shots at Uncle Sam
I hope they always remember why they can
Cause we'd all be speakin' German livin' under flag of Japan
If it wasn't for the good lord and the man
Those are some good jams – so good, in fact, that the singer himself appeared on the Glenn Beck Christmas Special, which may be the most ‘Murican thing of all time.
Not to be outdone, China boasts memorable super-patriots like the Beijing fish joint called “Diaoyu Islands Have Been China’s Inherent Territory,” and the state organs which periodically remind Japan that their beloved cherry blossoms are actually Chinese. Because it's no good being Numero Uno (and/or Zui Hao) unless you're going on about it all the time.
Terrible tourists
Loud, uncouth tourists who don’t speak the language, don’t like local foods or customs, travel with tacky tour groups and take pictures of everything in sight: stop us when you can differentiate between the stereotypes of Chinese and American tourists. With the slight exception that American tourists are always depicted as fat and blonde, the stereotypes are nearly identical.
The “Ugly Americans” traipsing around Europe with their fanny packs and loud “DEAR, LOOK AT THIS!” are now accompanied by Chinese tourists en masse, who are joining them in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower to, among other things, shout about how the food here isn’t as good as it is back home.
East coast elites
This map circulated online last month, and it what it shows is revealing – China’s wealthy, eastern provinces are much more progressive and forward-thinking than its inland, less-moneyed regions. This doesn’t mean they’re a bunch of democrats, however – “progressive” in China may mean a greater respect for individual rights, but it’s mainly a free-market position. In the nation’s interior – i.e. “The Little Red Book belt” – citizens are more likely to embrace ideas that were popular closer to the middle of the 20th century, like communism and state-control of the economy.
If you think of the ideological divide as one between free market types and communists, then there isn’t much of a parallel with the United States. But if you see progressive types as those more interested in newer ideas, while conservatives are not, then it’s a pretty fair match-up. In this sense, just imagine a map of political leanings in the US, but without the existence of a west coast.
Weird ambiguous political situations with a number of islands off their south-eastern coasts, one of which used to be a Spanish colony and is now sorta-kinda part of the mainland but it’s complicated
Taiwan, meet Puerto Rico. While Puerto Rico is pretty established as a commonwealth of the United States today, it wasn’t always that way – there was a significant Puerto Rican independence movement in the mid-20th century, although it never gained enough traction to ever fully break from the Mainland. Taiwan – briefly Spanish Formosa – is, in the long-term, the most significant of China’s ongoing island disputes. And if recent elections are any guide, it's a dispute that isn't going to be settled any time too soon.
This list is barely scratching the surface. We didn't cover the countries' obsessions with talent shows, their independence movements (looking at you, Texas) or the fact that Mongolia is essentially the Canada of east Asia. Perhaps this will have to become a weekly feature...
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