Finally a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Leo
7.23-8.23
That’s it. Beijing is too hot and you’re burnt out from work. Dust off that bottle of baijiu you’ve been saving for your lowest moment (just in time for World Baijiu Day on August 9 perhaps?) and book a flight to a beach immediately. It will go well.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Having trouble at the bank? Beijing banking can be enough to send even the most seasoned laowai over the edge. Just always remember, everything will be fine if you drink plenty of hot water. Make sure they clearly see you do so.
Libra
9.24-10.23
There are new experiences in your future, wahoo! Get yourself out of your Beijing bubble and try something new. Like, instead of the restaurant you always have lunch at, try the new Zhazha Bistro instead.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
This month it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, there is – everywhere in Beijing is powered by excessive amounts of electricity. Even so, this incessant Mercury retrograde means your life is about to get a whole lot brighter.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Whether the elevators at your office have been turned off for reasons you can’t read or your house is on the seventh floor of an old hutong building, there are a hell of a lot of stairs in store for the unlucky Sagittarius this August.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
Stop doing weird things this month. Trying the salty egg ice cream that’s been popping up all over Beijing recently is clearly not a good idea. Indulge in cool and creamy gelato at Lingxia’s unusual new pop-up inside streetwear boutique Decades this month instead. It will improve your personality.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
You’ll feel super old after looking at some recent pictures of yourself. Try some of the sheet masks at your local convenience store. Everyone at work will applaud your youth if you wear it while sipping the Tsingtao we all know you have under your desk.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
The Big Heat is upon us. As the ultimate water sign, be sure to balance your health by going for a swim in the pool at Qingnianhu Park in Andingmen. Don’t forget your facekini while you’re sunbathing.
Aries
3.21-4.20
Have you ever had a local tell you you’ve got to spend if you want to save? It couldn’t be any truer for you this month. Try lavishly shopping at The Place this month and watch your bank account mysteriously refill.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
By the powers vested in us as speakers of the stars, we augur you will wear a lot of orange this month. The Beijing laoren on the corner of your hutong will definitely comment approvingly on your style. Nice!
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Feeling stressed this month? Stop that. Your star chart literally reads ‘méi wèntí’ in pinyin. There’s never been a more legible sign that everything will work out.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Omg. You haven’t been on Tantan in, like, five months. Seriously? Go! Ms. or Mr. Only-for-a-while is waiting for you until the end of the month. Time is precious.
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