Constellation’s sandwiches are good, very good.
Gawd, that’s an understatement. Constellation’s sandwiches are the Mona Lisa of sandwiches. You know how Subway HQ refers to its employees as ‘sandwich artists’? (If you didn’t, that’s a fun fact for you – you’re welcome.) To hell with Subway – their soggy-ass buns aren’t art, and how dare they claim them to be so? Art is made by artists, like whoever it is working at Constellation. Lord, may I never eat another Starbucks turd-wich again.
Speaking of our Lord, oh my god. Jesus Christ! These are good sandwiches! Have I conveyed that point? I don’t think you really get it yet: Constellation cooks aren’t sandwich artists; they are artistes de sandwichs (French for ‘sandwich artists’). I’ll try to describe the sandwiches, but it’s tough – words don’t read as good as sandwiches taste. There’s a bacon one with a bunch of melty cheese; a beef one with a bunch of melty cheese; a meatball one with a bunch of melty cheese (all RMB45, suck it Element Fresh). They are grilled, crispy on the outside, chewy and gooey on the inside.
What is Constellation, though? We’re not sure we can say. We’re not sure Constellation can even say. For the time being, it appears to be some ladies working out of the kitchen at InVino, a wine bar North of Gongti. They’ve got the space for lunch and dinner, but are chill with people bringing their laptops and sipping on their coffee in between the two. They’re chill with everything, it would appear. I mean, it’s barely a real restaurant, just the magical daily sandwich pop-up of my wildest fantasies, so why wouldn’t they be?
OK, some bad news: There are salads, and they’re not very good. But people who go to Constellation and order a salad are dumb, a lesson I quickly learned about myself after I saw (and later ate most of) my friends’ sandwiches. I feel horrible writing this, because of the aforementioned high quality of sandwiches, but maybe the non-sandwich offerings aren’t that great. Maybe they’re just ‘good,’ and ‘good’ tastes more like ‘ugh’ when sitting next to orgasm-inducing sandwiches.
Bottom line: go get a sandwich. Have you heard me yet? Are you making lunch plans yet? Go get a damn sandwich.
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