bié rén jiā de hái zi \ 别人家的孩子 n. The kids of other families; an unseen and potentially fictional character used by parents to denigrate their children’s achievements.
A: Mom I got an A-grade in history.
B: Don’t be so smug. Bierenjia de haizi got nothing but A-pluses.
A: Why don’t you go be their moms if you love them so much?
B: I wish I could but I’m stuck with you.
One of the most important jobs for a parent is to give their kid the right motivations in life. Some do this by encouraging dreams of a better future; others threaten various kinds of bodily harm. But China’s ‘tiger’ parents prefer psychological warfare, which includes a tactic commonly known as bierenjia de haizi, or ‘the kids of other families.’
You’ve never met the kids of other families. But your parents know them well (through some vague connections they can’t fully explain) and love telling you about them. They’re supposedly the same age as you and come from similar background, yet they’re just better than you in every way. Your parents can’t stop talking about how hard they work at school, how talented they are at sports and arts, and how proud they make their parents.
Every time you achieve something, the bierenjia de haizi have done better. If you get full marks on a test, the kids of other families get full marks and finish the test with time to spare. If you become the first violin of the best youth orchestra in the country, the kids of other families are touring with the top youth orchestra in Europe. If you are praised by your teacher for your well-crafted prose, the kids of other families have been publishing books since they were 16. Even if you give 120 percent (which is mathematically impossible, mom), you will never match the performance of the KOOFs
Even in adulthood, you can’t escape their stunning achievements. Because after you graduate and get a job, your parents still call you to update you on what the KOOFs are up to. It turns out that they all got their PHDs at 24 and married extremely rich and good-looking people the next year. Inevitably, they then bore beautiful and obedient child prodigies and are doing really well professionally. On top of all that, they also take their parents on exotic overseas vacations every month. How convenient.
Yet you’ll never get to meet the KOOFs. You’ll start to doubt their existence. But then you’ll find yourself on Facebook, staring at people your age dressed in high-end clothing against exotic backgrounds, and realize that maybe your parents were telling the truth all along.
By day, Mia Li is a news reporter in Beijing; at night, she tries to turn that news into standup comedy.
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