Dear Jamie is a regular series where our readers seek advice from Jamie, a Guangdong-based life coach.
Dear Jamie,
I met this online friend and we’ve been really close since. When I first met him I started giving him life advice because I wanted to help. But now he relies too much on my opinion and comes to me with all his problems. I have asked him to solve his problems by himself and blocked his number on my phone, but he still continues to contact me through WeChat. At first I liked that he sees me as his life guru, but it’s gone too far. Now he even asks for my opinion when he can’t decide between two restaurants. I threatened to block him on WeChat if he didn’t stop, but he continued to pester me with his questions. I finally blocked him, but he flew from Qingdao to find me the NEXT day asking me to unblock him, claiming that he needed my advice desperately. Now he tells me that he wants to move to Guangzhou so he can be near me. He is a really good friend and person; how do I keep him as a friend without cutting all points of communication with him?
-Remorseful Yoda
Dear Yoda,
There are three possibilities here. One is that your friend is a convicted stalker. The second is that your friend is an unconfirmed stalker. The third is your friend has an unhealthy obsession with you and is about to make you his first stalking victim. If this friend really is a good person as you say, they should respect your need to block people who pester round the clock. The kindest thing to do is introduce him to someone else that can give him good advice – say, a therapist – and be firm in breaking off contact if his overzealous attentions persist. Sometimes in life you’ve got to be like the humble rock: firm and unyielding.
-Jamie
Need advice? Contact Jamie at Jamieinchina@outlook.com
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