We at That's were amazed to find that every single one of these thoughts has crossed our minds at some point whilst living in Shanghai. Feast your eyes on UnTour Shanghai's list - did they miss anything? See the full list here.
1. China is so big and exciting! This was definitely a good idea.
2. OMG so many people here, what did I get myself in to?
3. Wow the subway is so convenient.
4. Holy crap the subway is too full. I’ll just bike instead.
10. Subway bag checker may be the worst job in the city.
11. Am I invisible or did that person just walk straight at me on the sidewalk?
14. I wonder if we’ll be able to see the sun through the smog tomorrow.
15. I really hope this is just fog.
16. I really hope this isn’t acid rain.
17. Blue sky day – what foreign dignitary is visiting?
18. No one in the history of mankind has ever spent this long at an ATM before.
20. Can ayis get visas to exit China?
21. 70RMB for a glass of wine? I guess I’ll just get a bottle.
23. I would totally exercise more if the air quality was better.
24. I would drink less if I could exercise more.
27. I don’t care how long your flight back home is, or how many stops you have to make.
30. I miss cereal. How the fuck is it RMB75 for a box of Raisin Bran?!
31. If I hear one more person hawk a loogie next to me, I may scream.
32. ARRRRRGH!
33. I love China.
34. I’m having a China day, I’ll stay inside and watch DVDs all day.
35. That movie came out in America last weekend, how is it not at every DVD shop yet?
36. Ordering Sherpa’s twice in one day is totally not shameful if the neighbors didn’t see it.
39. Why is this taxi driver going this way?! Does he think I’m a tourist?
40. Oh wait, this way is totally faster.
41. Sir, I’d tip you if we weren’t
in China.
42. Could the internet get any slower?
43. Wait, don’t answer that. FUCK.
46. The average age at Perry’s is actually pre-teen.
47. Of course I want cold beer, how is that even a question?
48. I SAID BINGDE!
50. Could Pines get any more ghetto?
51. Could City Shop get any more expensive?
52. Could Avocado Lady please get a bigger space?
53. Even during happy hour, drinks are cheaper back home.
54. You’ve lived here for a year with no VPN? Are you insane?!
55. Can everyone back home just get WeChat so I can delete WhatsApp?
56. Oh my god my plane left from Pudong on time. Where am I?
57, I would rather donate bone marrow than take you to visit Beijing.
58. Maybe Sherpa’s should just hire more couriers.
59. If you’re staying in China for less than six months we cannot be friends.
60. We can sleep together though.
61. I almost want to hug you for picking your dog’s shit up immediately off the sidewalk.
62. Everyone back home is unemployed.
63. I can never actually leave China.
64. If someone asks me if I’m a China lifer one more time…
65. Did I make that apple cleaner or dirtier by rinsing it in the tap water?
67. Don’t praise my Chinese after I only said ‘ni hao.’ It’s patronizing.
68. Did you hear that perfect sentence?! Why is no one noticing that?
69. I should start taking Mandarin lessons again.
70. If I ever get a dog, I promise to not make him wear shoes.
71. Can all the attendants in Uniqlo please stop shouting "welcome" at every single person?
73. Is it actually mandatory for public busses to run red lights?
74. Five star taxis are like beautiful unicorns.
76. I’ve never experienced a worse hangover. Open bar, never again.
77. I’ll go home for the holidays if my parents pay for my flight.
78. God I hope this place has western toilets.
79. Shit, did I bring tissues?
80. No soap or towels? Finally a use for paper jiao.
81. Why did Morgan Short have to move to Beijing?
83. I get invited to more going away parties than birthdays.
84. I didn’t even know half my best friends this time last year.
85. We would so not be friends back home.
86. Look at my chopstick game. I am a fucking champion.
90. Maybe if I pretend I don’t speak English no one will talk to me.
91. Maybe if I pretend I don’t speak Chinese no one will talk to me.
100. I’m definitely attractive enough to be a celebrity in China.
101. I can’t name a single Chinese celebrity.
102. Chinese breakfast is the best breakfast.
103. Of course I eat youtaio every morning! They’re delicious!
105. Look at all the stamps in my passport. Fuck, I’m worldly.
111. I wonder if the government has a file on me now.
112. I wonder if my government has a file on me now.
113. What would happen if I went to Chinese jail?
114. I miss nature.
116. Maybe I’ll just go to Fuxing Park.
117. Why the fuck are there so many people in the park?
118. Why the fuck can’t I sit on the grass?
131. Hold that thought, laduzi.
// By Kyle Long of UnTour Shanghai. UnTour Shanghai is a culinary tour company specializing in small-group food tours of the city’s most authentic eats. From noodles and dumplings, to night markets and much more. To discover the city’s hidden culinary gems visit www.untourshanghai.com.
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