We Tried McDonald's Minion Burger So You Don't Have To

'We Try It' is a regular series where we try the latest off-beat food and beverage offerings.

Just when we thought gimmicky fast food items in China couldn’t possibly get any gimmickier (you know, because of baijiu burgers, ‘naughty’ green burgers and Michelin hanbaobaos), McDonald’s goes ahead and releases possibly their most outrageous food item to date: the Minion Burger. 

The computer-animated-character-inspired burger (let those last five words sink in for a second…) was first brought to our attention yesterday, while we were waiting patiently for the train at Guangzhou’s Taojin Metro Station. The advertisement caught our gaze almost immediately.

The poster features a minion taking a selfie in front of a burger sporting an egg and what looked like either fish or chicken stuffed with minion blood.

Eager to report on the taste of minion vital fluids (and because we’ve already tried virtually every other abortion of a meal released of late), we ordered Mickey D's newest sandwich for lunch today. Here’s what we took away from it:

The presentation was sh*t

As you can probably tell from the image above, the burger didn’t come looking particularly appetizing. In fact, it might as well have been assembled by a stubby-armed, one-eyed minion.

Admittedly, our local McDonald’s often serves up meals made with the same reckless abandon most people reserve for choosing one-night stands after a rack of tequila shots.

Other McDonald’s locations might do a better job of assembling sandwiches, though.

The minion on the bun is annoying

Does the minion on the bun need to look so smug? It makes it seem as if he or she (you decide, we refuse to wade into a debate about minion genders) is actually aware of the havoc the sandwich is about to wreak on your insides, or perhaps more appropriately – your toilet bowl.

We reckon the minion below is a more appropriate mascot:

No minion blood was used in this burger 

Stuffed inside the fried piece of chicken (not fish, thankfully) is a sad, small glob of cheese, not minion blood as we had initially predicted.

We would not order it again

The overall taste of this burger was in no way impressive. Composed of a bun with a strange yellow hue, chicken with a brown hue and unpleasant texture (maybe an indication that McDonald’s doesn't use the 100 percent chicken breast fillet they claim to have in their nuggets), an egg (the only good part) and soggy lettuce saturated in mystery sauce, the minion hanbaobao is something no sane person orders twice.

As we have done with our past few McDonald’s reviews, like Mickey D's Michelin burgers and maple syrup wings, we will sign off with a rating.

The McDonald's Minion Burger: 1/5 Stars

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