Finally, a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
The first rule of Gemini club is don’t talk about Gemini club. We know all the famous people are Geminis, just like how they’re all scientologists too. It doesn’t mean we want to hear about it.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Remember that it’s ok to stay in bed until noon on your days off. Being busy isn’t something to brag about. Rise and grind? How about fries supine.
Leo
7.23-8.23
You’ve been going hard these past few weekends and we advise you don’t check your bank balance until you’re closer to the end of the month. Look on the bright side — poverty can be an extremely effective diet.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Mercury and Venus will pass through your fourth house of domestic comforts throughout the summer months. Expect strong or renewed connections with family members and close friends.
Libra
9.24-10.23
Rahu, the imaginary planet responsible for meteor showers and eclipses, is likely to instigate some arguments this month between you and your spouse. Concede until your horoscope tells you things are a little more stable.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
The sun is still in your ninth house of knowledge and experience through mid-July. If you hold a government position then lay low but if you are building your own business then now is the time to make moves.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
Get a dog. Or don’t get a dog. We aren’t quite sure what the stars are saying on this one. As long as you don’t live in Shanghai, probably get a dog.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
True love is just around the corner. If you think you’ve already found love then, unfortunately, you are mistaken. I hope you aren’t already in too deep.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
Fatty food is not good for you. Not just Aquarians but everybody. Mars will push you away from your family into the summer months. Check in on their health and wellbeing but expect to be a bit preoccupied.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
If you made it this far then you know that we warned Pisceans to stay out of crypto last month. Sure dodged a bullet there. It’s time to count your lucky stars that you read That's magazines.
Aries
3.21-4.20
It can be hard to balance your need to nurture with your desire to be independent. Just let the algorithm feed you conspiracies until the decision is made for you.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
Manage the stress in your life and keep an eye on your blood pressure. You might feel like you’re on top of your game but it’s easy to burn out. Just because you’re a Taurus doesn’t mean it’s good for you to drink Red Bull with lunch every day.
See more That’s Horoscopes here.
[Cover image via That’s]
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