Finally a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Leo
7.23-8.23
Finally, it’s your time to shine. Throw a massive party at your favorite Tianhe hotel, invite your entire WeChat friends list and ugly cry when only two-thirds of them show up. Livestream the entire drama.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
It’s going to be a messy month – emotionally that is – in which you may burst into tears for no reason at Chimelong. If this concerns you, cut the porkfloss buns for breakfast and try jianbing instead.
Libra
9.24-10.23
You may be feeling extra carefree thanks to Jupiter’s presence somewhere in your chart. Bring out your inner child by playing ping pong or visiting a zoo – but avoid the gorilla enclosure at all costs.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
This is the cheeriest month you will experience all year. Attend every party as humanly possible, as you will genuinely enjoy talking to others (unlike next month, when you will struggle to remember why).
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
You will suffer social media fatigue. Don’t be ashamed, it happens to the best of the signs. Reach out to friends. Take a long walk on Shamian Island and try really hard not to Instagram the moment.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
You may encounter a monetary windfall this month. Try asking your laoban for a raise or playing the Chinese lottery. Donate your winnings to a local charity.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
Family takes focus. When was the last time you FaceTimed your parents? Don’t blame your crappy VPN service; blame your lack of filial piety. Take it too far and buy them return tickets to Guangzhou.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
It may be August, but it’s never too late to make good on all those Chinese New Year resolutions. If you're still single, head to an InterNations event and ask the first person you make eye contact with to marry you.
Aries
3.21-4.20
‘Work hard, play hard’ may be your motto but try taking it easy this month. The stars say you should turn off your WeChat notifications and swap Party Pier for the architecturally magnificant Guangzhou Library.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
Be wary of strangers – especially that person on Line 3 who asks whether you’d like to become a foreign assistant to a Chinese CEO. Give a hard pass, or, not, if you’re into that (the stars don’t judge).
Gemini
5.22-6.21
The most important relationship this month is the one you have with yourself – both of yourselves. Treat yourself to a Chinese Valentines Day dinner at Four Seasons and go crazy with Tmall Qixi deals. Feel regret afterwards.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Both your financial and bodily affairs require attention. Cash in all your member points around town and only spend your RMB on an expensive gym membership.
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