Inspired by a spate of grisly rape cases across China recently (including a university student in Jinan who was abducted and sexually abused by an unlicensed cabbie for several days), the local Public Security Bureau for Wuhan University shared this invaluable advise on its Weibo today on how not to get raped.
Of course by "invaluable" we mean absolutely, tragically absurd. Did we mention they made illustration for all nine pro tips as well?
1) Don't take unlicensed cabs. If you're in the habit of doing so, sit in the back and pretend to be talking on the phone.
"Darling, come out to get me! The car number is XXXX"
2) Carry a spray bottle with essential balm on you and aim for the eyes.
3) Throw your wallet into the distance, don't directly hand it to your assailent
"Go fly!"
4) If you want to get a picture of the evil-doer's appearence, you can pretend to be on the phone while secretly recording.
Bottom: Use with caution! If you're caught out, you could die a terrible death!
5) Sometimes your teeth are more useful than your hands
"If you're not careful, you'll wind up eating your attacker up!"
6) Trim your nails into an obtuse angle, but don't let them grow too long otherwise they'll break.
If someone tries to rape (second character in "rape" cencored) you, shit and piss if you can. Induce vomiting. Most people's will will crumble.
Carry a pencil on you (but not a lead one). This is more convenient than carrying a knife since you can pass through security checks.
9) Looking ugly is safest of all!
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