WATCH: The 'mesmerizing calm' of Taipei scooter traffic

By Ryan Kilpatrick, July 17, 2014

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Exhibit A is a video shot in Taipei that's gone viral in the Western world:

Termed "The Mesmerizing Calm of a Massive Taiwanese Scooter Traffic Jam," the clip was shared on Vice as an example of "controlled chaos of the highest order." "Alongside bikes," the description muses, "scooters are far and away the most preferred modes of transport throughout Asia." Obviously they're not counting China, where auto sales have increased tenfold in the last decade and private car ownership has multiplied times 14 in the same period but whatever. It continues:

And so, shoulder to shoulder, they flow like water over bridges and through streets. Consider them stand-ins for frustrated commuters the world over, trying as they might to navigate urban milieus plagued by insufficient grids and skyrocketing populations. For most commuters, there's just really no other option beside the scooter.

Beautiful. They don't seem to realize that Taiwan is a developed country with the third-highest per capita GDP in Asia and the world's lowest birth rate and NOT an overpopulated third-world basket case but yeah, nice prose.

Anyway, here we have exhibit B. After Taiwanese media reported today on the videos popularity in the West and the fact that successive commentators seem to agree that the people on their scooters look like so much spermatozoa, Taiwan's netizens had this to say:

Sperm in helmets?!

Laowai's brains are just filled with sperm…

I think they're more like sardines

Everyday, I am a sperm~

Thanks to Taiwanese girls all laowai can think about is sperm

Sperm on the brain

So everybody's just busy looking for the ovum

As expected, laowai... so frank

Boring

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