People’s Daily embraced its inner fratboy. You won’t believe what happens next.

By Ella Wong, July 15, 2015

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It’s a tough time to be in the media business. As the last generation of suckers readers willing to pay for news dies out, the competition for eyeballs and advertisers has grown intense, and that means less longform reporting and more cat listicles, brought to you by Meow Mix.

Apparently, even the Communist Party’s official mouthpiece is not immune to the pressures of the modern media market. Last week People’s Daily ran a marvelous listicle entitled “Ten misunderstandings about beer” that so heartily extols the health benefits of beer drinking, we’re pretty sure they pilfered it from Clickhole’s cheeky but ingenious branded content section, ran it passed the native Chinglish-speaking editor and then forgot to ask world’s best-selling beer Snow for sponsorship.

Although we would suggest a few tweaks here and there (“Ten Awesome Ways Beer Will Make You Live Longer” would be a more zeitgeisty headline), we think People’s Daily really knocked this one out of the park.

Let’s take a look at the highlight reel:

No. 2 Does drinking beer make people drowsy?

Beer with a lot of organic can help people reduce excessive excitement and tension. It has a wonderful refreshing effect.

 

No. 3 Does drinking beer make people fat?

The study found that moderate drinking of beer is conductive to anti-obesity. Containing no cholesterol, but with very little sodium, protein and calcium, beer is indeed effective to restrain obesity.

 

No. 4 Is beer detrimental to the eyesight?

Rich in vitamin b12 and b2 (riboflavin), beer plays an important role in protecting eyesight.

 

No. 7 Is beer detrimental to bone health?

Studies have shown that beer plays a role in preventing bone loss and rebuild male bone mass. However, excessive drinking can lead to increased risk for fracture.

 

No. 9 Is beer detrimental to brain?

Moderate drinking of beer improves women's cognitive abilities according to the report by "Journal of the American Heart Association" published in 2006.

 

No. 10 Does beer make people dispirited?

Those who drink one or two glasses of beer every day seems to have the lowest risk of death, according to the report of US Department of Agriculture in 2005.

Accompanying the dubiously sourced Q & A is a delightful slideshow of happy faces enjoying “one of people’s favorite drinks in the scotching summer days” [sic]. Naturally, the men – all Chinese – are pictured manfully chugging Snow like total bro champs, while the ladies – mostly bikini-clad blonde babes – toast each other in a hot spring pool. Because of course, this being People's Daily, it wouldn’t be complete without a gallery of “beautiful scenery.”

People's Daily: Beer is good for your health, just ask thiese bros

People's Daily: Beer is good for smaller lady brains

Keep up the good work, state media.

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