Finally a horoscope that understands your life in China.
Scorpio
10.24-11.22
Pack your bags and get them triple plastic-wrapped at the airport because you’re going on holiday! An extravagant trip is in your future – Macao perhaps? Take out some loans from friends and win big at the casino so you can pay them back. Guilt-free vacation, sorted.
Sagittarius
11.23-12.21
You’ve been feeling a bit distant from your previously hip and happening hutong life recently. Worry not, dear Sagittarius, your social life is about to kick up a few kilometers. Whip out whichever Chinese alternative smoking device you’ve been using recently and get yourself to a club.
Capricorn
12.22-1.20
Planning a drastic life change? Moving out of your apartment? Moving out of the country? Jupiter is rising, the moon is in Aquarius and there’s a total eclipse in Chaoyang – a celestially auspicious time to make a big change. Don’t forget to get a lucky pig tattoo to cement these auspices.
Aquarius
1.21-2.19
11/11 is upon us and you’re about to get the single greatest bargain of your entire life. Bide your time, consider wisely and do not be hasty. You did not need to knock over that elderly ayi to get the last pair of Miniso children’s sunglasses last year and you know it.
Pisces
2.20-3.20
The holidays are over and you’re back to work (ugh). Whether it’s the trade war giving you a headache at the office or your ill-advised hangover really not tolerating the kids that are treating you like a climbing frame at your school, know there is most certainly no end to this until December.
Aries
3.21-4.20
The stars have offered you some feedback on your life, because seriously, you need it. It’s time to accept you can’t possibly lead the same lavish lifestyle outside of China, so you’re clearly staying in Beijing. Brunch every day of the week is simply too sweet, so get a dog and deal with it.
Taurus
4.21-5.21
This will be a wild month for the newly available Taurus. Newfound professional autonomy? Recent bachelor or bachelorette? The stars are spelling out your WeChat handle and CV, and you’ll have inquiries raining on you before you know it.
Gemini
5.22-6.21
Is the dating scene in Beijing getting you down? Don’t stress about it because there’s a two-meter tall stranger in your future. Get to as many coffee shops and hutong bars as you can – we augur they’re waiting patiently for you in one of them.
Cancer
6.22-7.22
Your dominant emotion this moon cycle will be hunger. Bad food luck will follow you and you’ll have to get up three hours early to catch the jianbingman and leave work just after lunch before Meituan shuts down for the evening. Be sure to keep a stick ofchuanr in your pocket just in case
Leo
7.23-8.23
There’s an ancient Chinese saying: ‘Why eat one pizza when you could eat two?’ There’s something so fulfilling about assimilating to the local culture, and you’ll feel it particularly keenly this month as you do your best to abide by this proverb while strolling around the traditional streets of Sanlitun and Guomao.
Virgo
8.24-9.23
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and just like many of us here, Beijing locals have no idea what you’re clucking on about. Grab the biggest chicken you can find, boil it up (you seriously need to get an oven) and your turkey feast is complete.
Libra
9.24-10.23
This month you’ll feel inspired to express yourself in a fun and creative way. Try not to let your mischievously devilish mood get out of hand. Releasing one of those yellow-bellied weasels in your friend’s flat? Kind of hilarious. Jumping in front of a bus and pretending to be injured? Unnecessary.
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