Burgers are objectively ugly, turd-colored patties sandwiched between beige carb pillows, but people love burgers, and their love blinds them. People take photos of burgers like they are Victoria’s Secret Angels, and they take pictures with burgers to prove just how fun and laidback they are. After all, in modern America, there is only one thing worse than being fat, and that is conspicuously worrying about being fat. An ugly, greasy burger is a magical break from your #fitfam all-organic-and-paleo kale-and-quinoa life, and therefore must be documented.
This is the modern Western cult of burgers, in which a hunt for the Best Burger Ever has become the yuppie version of finding Jesus. But unfortunately for non-yuppies, this cult has resulted in… expensive burgers.
To make matters worse, in China, Western imports are often extra-fancified. And now burgers – which ought to be the great equalizer, the food of the masses, the American Dream – come slathered in foie gras and accompanied by an overpriced vintage. Have you been to Let’s Burger? Theirs are 100 kuai.
Someone drain the swamp!
That someone is Will Cannon.
Cannon is the Cannon behind Cannon’s, Beijing’s latest and greatest burger joint on Xingfucun Zhonglu, and not only does he come from America – he comes from the South, which is America on steroids. He has crafted his own mind-bogglingly delicious take on American fast-food – at American fast-food prices.
But Cannon’s is no Burger King; it is the King of Burgers. For as low as RMB32 a pop, Cannon’s thin, greasy patties burst with flavor, squeezed between fresh house-made buns and slathered lovingly with cheese. The pimento burger comes drenched with Cannon’s own pimento (RMB42), buffalo chicken sandwiches with classic blue cheese sauce (RMB37). Round out your artery-clogging meal with a RMB30 milkshake and fries, and you’ll still struggle to spend a full hundo-kuai bill. Just how God – and his promised land, America – intended it.
It’d be remiss not to shout out the decor here, which nails its over-the-top retro US diner vibe – black-and-white floor tiles, plush red counter seats, a goofy striped facade. But frankly, we’d be down to chow on Cannon’s burgers even if the place were ugly. Because that’s exactly how the burgers are – ugly, greasy, fatty… and utterly delicious.
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