Jindingxuan won That's Beijing's Editors' Choice award for Best Chain Restaurant. See here for the rest of the results.
Thanks to its 24-hour service and tasty dim sum, Jindingxuan has always been there for us, like the loud, Cantonese mother we never had. In honor of her recent ‘Best Chain Restaurant’ award – we did the unthinkable: went from midnight to 7am (or attempted to, anyway).
Not that we hadn’t been to Jindingxuan many times before during those sodden, slobbering hours. We just hadn’t been from midnight to dawn all in one sitting. And thus we decided to, as this would give us a fuller – dare we say anthropological – perspective on the institution.
The idea simultaneously allured and daunted us. Would Beijing’s beloved bastion of baozi and belligerence ultimately shit us out, beleaguered, bitchier versions of ourselves? Or would we reemerge at dawn triumphant, having looked into the face of God itself? (Answer to the latter: No. See note from 6.22am.)
Here is the descent into Beijing’s drunken bowels that followed.
Midnight: I enter with That’s Beijing photographer and designer Holly Li. We are stone cold sober.
12.14am: I order a Diet Coke. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
12.25am: A poppy, Cantonese version of ‘Joy to the World’ begins playing on loop.
1.03am: I bite into a bun full of custard. Normally I’d combat my lactose intolerance with sheer mental fortitude, but in this instance, I put the bun down. We’re only just entering the second hour, after all.
1.10am: The first screaming fight of the evening breaks out. This is what we’re here for, people!
1.12am: The shouting man’s wife stops the fight by slapping him repeatedly on his back as if she’s burping a large, drunk baby.
1.30am: My first visitor arrives. He works for a competing English-language magazine, so for the purposes of this article he shall be referred to as ‘Rick.’
2.13am: “It’s 2am, and it’s fucking packed in here,” says ‘Rick.’ I agree.
2.30am: I start drinking.
2.31-3.00am: BEER BEER BEER BEER
3.05am: My second visitor, Kelsey, walks in and yells something about xiaolongbao at our waitress. Other people in the restaurant look over. This makes me feel very sober. I order another beer.
3.07am: ‘Rick’ walks out without paying his bill. [I know you’re reading this, ‘Rick.’ You owe me 200 kuai.]
3.15am: My friends David and Bill enter with whiskey.
3.16am: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS
3.21am: A couple passes out at the table next to us.
3.23am: Kelsey tells us all her Internet passwords.
3.34am: I update everyone as to my emotional status. I’m feeling confident! I’m feeling optimistic! We can totally do this! Seriously though, thank you guys sooo much for coming. I honestly have so much to be thankful for! Group hug?
3.35am: Holly says: “Why are you talking to us like this is an AA meeting?”
3.37am: That’s Beijing Editor-in-Chief Oscar Holland arrives.
3.59am: MORE SHOTS MORE SHOTS MORE SHOTS
4.28am: Kelsey and I ‘interview’ some of Jindingxuan’s other patrons. Two older men offer us shots of baijiu and then tell us we have nice breasts.
4.46am: An American approaches us, ostensibly because we are the only other visibly foreign people in the restaurant. “We should join tables!” he shouts. We decline.
5.15am: Oscar makes a joke. [What joke, I have no idea. This is the time of night when my memory becomes hazy. “Oscar makes joke” is all I have written.]
5.53am: Only David and I remain.
6.00am: Sober people enter for actual breakfast.
6:13am: David and I are fucking miserable.
6.21am: Our attempts to make conversation are futile.
6.22am: “Do you believe in god?” “No. You?” “Nah.”
6.25am: Wilson from Rager Pie texts, offering to let us hang out in his shop while he prepares breakfast. We leave Jindingxuan accordingly. [Disclaimer: This has absolutely no bearing on Rager Pie winning ‘Best Bakery.’ They won by reader vote.]
6.27am: Walking outside feels amazing.
6.38am: David falls asleep on the floor of Rager Pie. I take a picture.
6.40am: I think about how weird it is that my career path led me here. I then observe a smug moment of silence for all those who have less exciting jobs.
6.41am: During said moment of silence I consider the fact that those people can probably go to Jindingxuan whenever they want, without the remit of a magazine article.
6.41am: I fall asleep at the table at Rager Pie.
Photos by Holly Li. Despite Jindingxuan winning Editors' Choice for Best Chain Restaurant, the author does not recommend spending seven hours there. If you'd like to visit for a more reasonable amount of time, see listing for details. Also, shout out to Rager Pie.
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