Q: I am a young man in my early 20s who works in a office staffed almost entirely by women. My boss, a recently divorced woman in her late 40s, routinely flirts with me and occasionally makes suggestive comments and touches me inappropriately. At first, not wanting to make a scene, I played along. But I’m beginning to find it unbearable and I dread coming into contact with her. What should I do?
A: In China this is known as “an old ox eating fresh grass.” Though in this case, the ox is an unwelcome intruder in a gated virgin meadow!
Confucius believed that people struggle to make the right choice when presented with the temptation of sex. He said that he never saw a man who prefers a woman’s morality to her beauty (The Analects, Zihan, chapter nine). This is also true of women. You – the lone young man in an office full of older women – represent temptation.
There is no easy solution to the problem you describe. Confucius stresses the importance of manners and benevolence. During a conversation with a student, Confucius cautioned: “Always exercise restraint and conduct yourself in accordance with the classic doctrine.”
This is easier said than done. Both for you and your boss. Your boss must exercise restraint – and show good manners by not putting you in a compromising position or humiliating you in front of co-workers. You too, must look within yourself and show compassion towards this older woman, whose own marriage has recently ended.
In this situation, it is best that you gently discuss this issue with your boss in private. I know what you're thinking: what if, having explained your feelings, she continues, or worse still, is offended?
Facing a similar situation, Confucius tells us: “Once you’ve explained something, you won’t do it for a second time; for those things that have been done, you should never try to change them; and for other’s mistakes in the past, never mention them to support your opinion” (The Analects, Bayi, Chapter three). I hope this helps.
Wang Xuejun is a lecturer at Beijing Language and Culture University, specializing in Chinese culture. His most recent book is entitled Teaching Methods of Chinese Language and Traditional Culture. Send your ethical dilemma for Professor Wang to bjeditor@urbanatomy.com
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