THE GIVE AND TAKE OF ROMANCE

Sixteen out of 23. That’s how many wedding anniversaries my husband remembered. Oh sure he made it up on our tenth anniversary when he gave me a pair of diamond stud earrings big enough for a butterfly to choke on, but meh – my record on this matter is actually worse. For the forgetful, a good strategy is to stick to giving the traditional symbolic gifts. On our fifth anniversary – wood, I fished out a pencil from the kitchen drawer. Sixth – candy, a loose stick of gum. Seventh, I remembered. Eighth – pottery, an ashtray I made at pottery class. Ninth – pottery again, the same ashtray, rewrapped. He stopped me at nine which was too bad as I was saving up for our eleventh – steel, he didn’t really need that Ferrari anyways.

But the one occasion my husband has been 23 for 23 is Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s because the shops are awash in pink hearts and fluttering cupids the weeks before or maybe it’s because the sofa just doesn’t provide the best night’s sleep. Whatever the reason, I know there will be flowers and a big box of non-discounted chocolates waiting for me on February 14.

February 14puts smiles on millions of people’s faces, and that’s just the merchants because Valentine’s Day is the unenviable obstacle course of romance men engage in annually. Ask any guy what his favorite holiday is and few will choose the day in which he’s expected to shell out half a day’s pay for a dozen roses and an overpriced set dinner accompanied by a glass of cheap champagne.

Not surprisingly, the origins of Valentine’s Day have nothing to do with romance or unrequited love or even a day to remember to put the toilet seat down. The unsubstantiated reports include painful martyrdom and reversed crucifixion. It was Geoffrey Chaucer, an English poet in the 14^th century who was first credited with associating romance with Valentine’s Day. Hand written valentines followed later in the 18^th century and good old American enterprise ramped the holiday up beginning in the 20th century when flowers, chocolates and jewelry joined the mix. But what has stayed constant through the ages is that while valentines are traded between lovers, family and friends, the main recipient of the day is the lady.

For women, Valentine’s Day is our day of acknowledgement, of appreciation, of gratitude. Unlike anniversaries which are sometimes forgotten or birthdays which lose their celebratory nature as our bits and pieces surrender to gravity; Valentine’s Day says “You are desirable”. Thus, men walk a tight-rope for what is given is taken as a gauge of their love. Too little and it’s the silent treatment. Too much and the expectations get higher and higher year after year.

So how to choose the right gift? What says “I love you” without your needing to eat instant ramen noodles for the next month? Breakfast in bed is nice but a diamond is better. A backrub is comfortable but a diamond is better. Doing all the household chores for a day is good but a diamond is better. Let’s face it, this day will not pass without you pulling out your wallet and, remember, a diamond is better. So give your woman her due, of all the days of the year, this is the one when she wants to hear from you that’s she’s beautiful and believe it.

Should you turn up empty-handed and sheepishly excuse yourself with the phrase “But what could I get for the woman who has everything?” Expect her answer to be “I’ll give you a list”.

E-mail Dinah at Dinahchinadaily@gmail.com. Read more of her articles at www.aletterfromabroad.com.